Do your thoughts ever scare you?
I'm scared of myself sometimes. I'm not suicidal. But why do my thoughts so many a time wander so precariously over the railings (literally)?
Had our first rehearsal today. Why am I so scared to ask. I feel so inadequate. Just feel like giving up. But obviously I cannot. Dance is like the guy I will never get together with. Rejected.
Can't bend low enough, back too arched. Can't even get the feel right. So hard.
I think the worst thing is that I am too scared. Too scared to do smth I don't know, too scared to ask, too scared of getting judged. I wish I could just not think for one day. That would probably give me courage.
"So close yet so far" makes it all the more depressing. Why are you never here? Must I argue with you so that you will be? I really hate it. I hate how I overthink. I hate how you care yet don't care.
It's just me. I need to suck it up.
TTFN.
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