The Pain of Progression

Been feeling quite a bit of a "quarter-life crisis" lately so I'm here to regurgitate/purge my emotions. It's really a good form of treatment man. People need to pen down their depressive or stressful thoughts more often, like get it out of their system and issues honestly feel much smaller when they're put into words/made tangible instead of just floating around in our minds. Our minds can be as huge as the universe, and it's so powerful that it magnifies our issues by a gazillion times.

So like a lot of other humans, I too compare myself to others. It's unavoidable. At age 28, I see others who are about my age and have their stuff nicely organized. I'm talking about their homes, their kitchens, their ig profiles, their businesses, their journals etc. But I feel so lacking in these aspects. I sort of have a good enough eye for aesthetics, but I can't really create. It's easy to say oh this is nice that is nice, but to actually make or put together something nice, it's really tough...So for example, if you want me to think up a design for my journal or my house, the end product just doesn't come up to par with what I like. I need to copy others, which honestly isn't a very easy thing to do either unless you know what apps or tools they use. And sometimes I do manage to copy, but it ends up looking different and not really what I want. And one thing ironic is, I don't really like to copy too. So I end up NOT copying and trying to do things in my own way, and the end product just looks bad. Aiya I think I just need to find easier stuff to copy...Put my ego into a box and accept that I am not at such a pro level to "create" yet.

I think I really just want my life to be more organized. I've got a work journal but I just can't pen down my to-do list in a nice format. I've colour-coded my stuff but it still looks all over the place...I want to de-clutter my house but it's just so hard to Marie Kondo everything when a lot of those things still bring joy or I have actual uses for them in future, but yet I don't have enough space to keep them. (Haha as I type this, I honestly feel that I'm just not putting enough effort into using the Marie Kondo technique...)

Another thing that has been keeping my heart jittery and all nervous is this project that I've taken up at work. I can't share much here as it is confidential, but I feel that others are too busy to care about it so I am almost single-handedly managing it, and I don't feel that I am doing a very good job due to my lack of experience...

And on top of that, I'm planning A's first-year birthday bash and a lot of things are still pending...OMGGGG how am I gonna complete everything AND make sure they are up to standard??? Jialat.

Lol. Anyway yeah. So life's been busy and it's just a very uncomfortable feeling when everything's just a WIP. Not sure if there are many out there who feel the same way? Or do you all just have your life in order haha. I say this because I see a lot of my friends having really well-organized houses and that's like a huge part of life already. Gosh I still have my job appraisal to complete lol. Yep so that's my life update...hope I can get the energy to plan and make things work/make things better. I guess it's 一步一步来 for now. I actually have so many ideas and plans in my mind too but there's only so much time one has, especially with a 10-month-old baby in tow. 

TTFN!