As if I were Autistic
Have u ever felt despair?
When u feel as if u are being locked within a room away from all forms of human existence, yet u are still in contact with humans. Just that, no one understands you, or wants to understand you.
Maybe that is why I crave for discussions with open minded people.
But I realised this morning, after a good night's sleep that was forced into due to overflowing tears and a headache that extended to my eyes (or did it happen the other way round), that teaching in an institution isn't about having open minded discussions. It's about passing down information, as complete as possible. I am not particularly good with that.
Students that I have met, in general, prefer these ways of teaching. They not necessarily like it, but it saves them the trouble and time of reading the information on their own. It is not inspiring, but it is the most straightforward way of knowing what to study -for the exams.
I do see the benefits of such a teaching style, but it is rather old. Nowadays people do not have such a long attention span. Giving them such huge amounts of info, they don't digest but just pass it out through the other ear. Or even if they do keep it for awhile, it quickly disappears from their minds, because they are not understood. And people who have not learnt the subject before, have a different way of understanding things compared to the teacher. Yet teachers are sometimes known as something like 'those who aren't really good in a certain profession' that's why they become teachers of that profession. Of course I don't believe that completely, but it does apply in a certain way. Teachers are message carriers, they can help u understand the message, but not necessarily know the reason and intention behind the message, which is why they can't carry out the actual profession. Which is why they become teachers.
But message carrying is precisely my weakness. Which is also why I'm training myself in it. Which is why I felt despair this time round- I'm not good at something, I need help, I need the opportunity, yet because I'm not good at it so I'm going to lack the opportunity to become good at it. Not that I can't continue to pursue the path to becoming better at it, but having this first door opened just makes things all the more easier. Which is why my despair lasted for so long this time, and it almost felt like I couldn't find a reason for it. Because there is no other reason than knowing that I'm bad at something and that I'm probably not going to get a chance (for the time being) to improve on it.
Being a teacher in an institution is not about being inspiring (even tho I think it should be). Being a teacher in an institution is about being the message carrier. To bring the message to the students in a pure way, without our own understanding, because the students themselves will find their own understanding- which is usually not the case. Which is why society works, but we are all seeing and blind at the same time- going about our own businesses but with no true purpose in life. We all think happiness is our true purpose in life, but is it really? Do we even know what true happiness is?
P.S. I'm not saying ALL teachers aren't inspiring- teachers who r mere message carriers can be inspiring in many ways. Such as being patient with slower students and never giving up on weaker students. Those are virtues as well. But institutionalised education is mass production- it improves the weak and stifles the strong. That's why elitism comes about. If all schools were equal, there's not going to be good quality students unless they break out of that system, because they will always be held back by the weaker students. Such is the reality of institutions.
The 'inspiring' I'm talking about is the feeling that you get when someone helps you to look at the world or stuff that happens around you in a new and refreshing kind of way. That, is a kind of inspiration that is hard to come by.
When u feel as if u are being locked within a room away from all forms of human existence, yet u are still in contact with humans. Just that, no one understands you, or wants to understand you.
Maybe that is why I crave for discussions with open minded people.
But I realised this morning, after a good night's sleep that was forced into due to overflowing tears and a headache that extended to my eyes (or did it happen the other way round), that teaching in an institution isn't about having open minded discussions. It's about passing down information, as complete as possible. I am not particularly good with that.
Students that I have met, in general, prefer these ways of teaching. They not necessarily like it, but it saves them the trouble and time of reading the information on their own. It is not inspiring, but it is the most straightforward way of knowing what to study -for the exams.
I do see the benefits of such a teaching style, but it is rather old. Nowadays people do not have such a long attention span. Giving them such huge amounts of info, they don't digest but just pass it out through the other ear. Or even if they do keep it for awhile, it quickly disappears from their minds, because they are not understood. And people who have not learnt the subject before, have a different way of understanding things compared to the teacher. Yet teachers are sometimes known as something like 'those who aren't really good in a certain profession' that's why they become teachers of that profession. Of course I don't believe that completely, but it does apply in a certain way. Teachers are message carriers, they can help u understand the message, but not necessarily know the reason and intention behind the message, which is why they can't carry out the actual profession. Which is why they become teachers.
But message carrying is precisely my weakness. Which is also why I'm training myself in it. Which is why I felt despair this time round- I'm not good at something, I need help, I need the opportunity, yet because I'm not good at it so I'm going to lack the opportunity to become good at it. Not that I can't continue to pursue the path to becoming better at it, but having this first door opened just makes things all the more easier. Which is why my despair lasted for so long this time, and it almost felt like I couldn't find a reason for it. Because there is no other reason than knowing that I'm bad at something and that I'm probably not going to get a chance (for the time being) to improve on it.
Being a teacher in an institution is not about being inspiring (even tho I think it should be). Being a teacher in an institution is about being the message carrier. To bring the message to the students in a pure way, without our own understanding, because the students themselves will find their own understanding- which is usually not the case. Which is why society works, but we are all seeing and blind at the same time- going about our own businesses but with no true purpose in life. We all think happiness is our true purpose in life, but is it really? Do we even know what true happiness is?
P.S. I'm not saying ALL teachers aren't inspiring- teachers who r mere message carriers can be inspiring in many ways. Such as being patient with slower students and never giving up on weaker students. Those are virtues as well. But institutionalised education is mass production- it improves the weak and stifles the strong. That's why elitism comes about. If all schools were equal, there's not going to be good quality students unless they break out of that system, because they will always be held back by the weaker students. Such is the reality of institutions.
The 'inspiring' I'm talking about is the feeling that you get when someone helps you to look at the world or stuff that happens around you in a new and refreshing kind of way. That, is a kind of inspiration that is hard to come by.
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