Payback time!

Actually I really wanna talk about it here but I just can't. Maybe when things settle down and it's all taken shape I shall say... I really hope my dip in grades are really paying for everything that's happened recently... So that once everything's over my grades will rise back to normal [or even better:p] and also for everything to really form itself in this period of time. Anyway, I shall just try my best even though it's really teary...

IH had been postponed. Is that good or bad? [=.=]

Time flies really quickly. Next year my batch is gonna be the eldest. It's gonna be a tough job lookin after the juniors especially when idols have crossed the bridge. They may not have the motivation to play properly and I'm so afraid they do not care whether or not they produce results but there's no one to blame cuz V may not really be their passion. I think my passion works like this: I do not wanna giv anything up cuz I've learnt it for such a long period of time, from primary school. Obviously, the juniors have not learnt for so long except the Ds but the Ds may be influenced by the rest of the team sinch passion is built upon one another's passion. I feel I have not only learnt from what Jl teaches me but also from my team mates, such as, I started to improve my receiving by looking at Y and S. I tried to improve my spiking by copying the guys especially M's since he's supposedly the best. What I'm sure of is that I feel I'm improving and I'm grateful to all these people including Jl. We would never have made it till now without this people so I know they deserve to be looked up to. I cannot believe how much we've grown, from the start of our journey together, all the bumpy roads especially at the very beginning...I have really seen with my own eyes how the humble people around me become so strong, where it is very clearly seen in their skills. All things have opposites though. Opposites do not really earn my respect but I cannot do anything since I'm not their conscience. However I really wonder what these consciences are telling their owners...asking them to slack since they're "good". Wow I really can't understand it cuz it makes no sense to me what these people are thinking. Maybe it's a poison, misleading the conscience to tell the owner everything opposite. 

My other passion policy is to aspire to be our best [haha Ats core value]. At first I use others as a guage. However sometimes when people are too far ahead, I try to beat myself first. Hmm...when you think about it, this method actually belongs to when you are at the top. But it's true it's really demoralising when there are so many people kicking the sand in your face at the front. It's like when your motivation is too far ahead, we have to overtake ourselves to find our lead again. 

Back to my next-year-o-phobia, maybe it will be worse for the year after the next batch so I guess I shouldn't feel too bad for myself. However it's still ONE WHOLE YEAR to tolerate. {wa jia yam bi le jia bi zhui} ok maybe not that much since it's only 2 years:p But the meaning's there. However, that's still not the point. My point is, though there are no tall enough juniors at the moment, seniors say so much rubbish only with one motive: for you to improve at a faster rate. Without hard work, reward is not expected. Also, without hardwork, idols are just wooden people since you do not make them proud to hav such a person that idolises him/her. Therefore what I'm saying is that it's better to have a heart made of wood instead of becoming disappointed in the end. Maybe that's y some people are so oblivious to their surroundings. They try not to feel irritated as well as they know it's not worth it. Anyway, to get into Ny I try not to underestimate your EQ/IQ so if something makes it hard for us, please stop doing it and we'll try to stop killing our own vocal cords. Sometimes what we're supposed to work on could be said more effectively by another person or said in a more indirect way so that no one's feelings would be hurt. This way loads of trouble could be dissipated as heat in the hall instead of heat in our hearts or heads. I do not know if this is too hurting or the other way round that it's not a strong enough medicine to hit the nail on the head but at least I tried. If it doesn't work, I shall use another method and hope very hard it works. A leopard doesn't change its spots but I think that's only for leopards and a few atypical guys or some extremely exceptionally rare cases. [HAHA] I can really see the similarities after writing all these down. But it also makes me realise how true nature works in all types of cases...well, sort of:p